Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Community Fail (on How I Joined the "31 Days" Community 2 Days Late)

I have to be honest: it seems that I'm not that great with community. God keeps calling me out to be vulnerable and not hidden, but man! It seems like when I stick my heart out there, it gets stomped on. Or "that's nice; thanks for sharing" and no more reach from the other person.

So I tend not to reach out and stay the course toward real community. But I'd like to change that tendency.

My daughter has a long list of "hidden disabilities" (dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyspraxia--the big troubler, auditory processing disorder, plus an extremely sensitive spirit), and we homeschool. She's 12 and thinking of herself as a "big baby" whenever little things make her cry. Whewy. It still makes me mad to cry in front of people, even my husband. But that's another post for another day.

I post once a week at another sweet blog community (chosenfamilies.org), telling Cami stories and God stories, but not many Candi stories. My pen name over there (which is my actual given name, but no one knows me by that name) is Cassandra.

I guess that's it: that's how I feel: no one knows the real Candi/Cassandra/me.

So here I am. Determined to excavate the actual me in this space I've called "Excavations" for so long. Not sure if I'll write every day, or if I'll be brave enough to write at all.

I can only be sure of this minute, this now, of where and when I am.

In every moment, I just need to be.

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