Thursday, November 20, 2008

More of *Jesus Calling* and An Honest Prayer

So Michael's company has started another round of layoffs.

And God's been dealing with me about people-pleasing, even in its subtlest forms.

More devotions from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

November 19
Leave outcomes up to Me. Follow Me wherever I lead, without worrying about how it will all turn out. Think of your life as an adventure, with Me as your Guide and Companion. Live in the now, concentrating on staying in step with Me. When our path leads to a cliff, be willing to climb it with My help. When we come to a resting place, take time to be refreshed in My Presence. Enjoy the rhythm of life lived close to Me.

You already know the ultimate destination of your journey: your entrance into heaven. So keep your focus on the path just before you, leaving outcomes up to Me.
PSALM 27:13-14; EXODUS 15:13

November 20
I am pleased with you, My child. Allow yourself to become fully aware of My pleasure shining upon you. You don't have to perform well in order to receive My Love. In fact, a performance focus will put you away from Me, toward some sort of Pharisaism. This can be a subtle form of idolatry: worshiping your own good works. It can also be a source of deep discouragement when your works don't measure up to your expectations.

Shift your focus from your performance to My radiant Presence. The Light of My Love shines on you continually, regardless of your feelings or behavior. Your responsibility is to be receptive to this unconditional Love. Thankfulness and trust are your primary receptors. Thank Me for everything; trust Me at all times. These simple disciplines will keep you open to My loving Presence.
EPHESIANS 2:8-9; EPHESIANS 3:16-19; PSALM 62:8

How do I do that, Lord? How do I trust You to not abandon me, to not destroy me?

I'm stuck in "if only" land and living for "until"s. Please rescue me! Rescue me from my expectations of doom, my fear of the future. Secure my heart in a desire---a satisfaction--- for only Your Presence. I confess, Jesus, that right now, at this moment, Your Presence in me and with me isn't enough. And I don't know how to make it be enough.

I want to be able to say with Job, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" (Job 13:15). And with Mary, "I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to accept whatever He wants" (Luke 1:38).

And as I pray this, I wonder if I really mean it. If it means more hard stuff--Michael losing his job, my losing my health, losing Cami--do I really want only You?

And there they are: my fear and expectations of doom again. Jesus, please get these demons off of me! I renounce these attitudes in the name of Jesus. Lord, please--heal my heart.

3 comments:

joshua garmon said...

wow.....

Those first words make me weep. They resonate with me so deeply.

And the rest of it I can certainly relate to as well. I've been touched by your honesty. Thanks for sharing.

Melisa said...

I love you, girl. Thanks for being vulnerable. I'm so glad we're in this together.

Brittany said...

what amazing words of comfort from the LORD, and also your own words of genuine need of His hand...thank you for being real..thank you for pointing my face towards my Savior, once again.