Saturday, August 2, 2008

The Day Buddy Died

We had our Buddy Dog put down today. He was in full kidney failure and in misery, with no chance for recovery.
This is death number three in six weeks' time.

I've been asking hard questions this summer:

Why does God allow such misery and pain to continue?

How can anyone display God's glory when they're trapped in a broken body or a mind that doesn't work anymore?

Why is it not okay to euthanize humans, but when it's an animal, it's considered the "humane" thing to do?

I don't have answers. Just inklings of God's presence:

This morning, we were taking Buddy to the vet for continuing therapy. We still thought there was hope for at least a partial recovery for him. We were about 15 minutes later getting out the door than I had planned, but we were getting out the door.

I had Buddy in my arms, and Cami had my purse. When Cami opened the door, there, at eye level with me on the other side of the glass storm door, hovered a hummingbird. He just looked at us, then did a little whirly twirl and flew away.

"Oh! My!" I couldn't draw a breath. "Thank You, Jesus." (Really--I said that, as corny as it may sound.)

Cami said, "Wow! Mom! I think that was a hummingbird! That was just for you!"

I've held onto that moment as this day has unfolded. I'm glimpsing parts of the fractal as I cry my way through the mess.


betsy said...

"Thank You, Jesus." (Really--I said that, as corny as it may sound.)

Oh, I know you said it. You and Cami are my reminders to, "use the J-word".

Thank you again for sharing this journey so authentically. I really wish I could make your heart not hurt. (I used to put a band-aid on Lee's tummy aches. Do you think that would help?)

And I wish I knew the answer to the questions. Really. Because it does seem that on some level the answers would make the pain make sense. Maybe...

Reminds me of a quote that i have up in my studio.

"Asking is not doubting, it is trusting."

Brittany said...

aw... :(
I keep thinking about "why."
Its still hard to know what to say. Maybe it's not for me to try to answer. All I know is that He loves you..and that you're beautiful to Him...He'll never stop loving you...He walks behind you...he walks before you..and He's with you...always.
"And if you think he'll ever leave better think again" ;)

mandy said...

this was so hard to read... i'm also experiencing a personal loss. and the questions are mounting!

i hope and pray y'all can work through the grief. the questions. the heartache.

Lizzy Deaton said...

I am so very very sorry . . . please know I am praying for you . . . the loss of a pet is so hard. they really are a part of the family. but this on top of everything else . . .
girl, you are an encouragement!

Brittany said...

we're going to put my bunny down this week :(